here is a link to an Audio recording of this message from HopeWhangarei in October 2025.link to HopeWhangarei
When I preached  on
this passage in 2023 as part of our One another-ing series I finished that
message with an illustration from a book by Gerald Sittser and I want to start
with it today…  He and his wife love
watching old movies, particularly musicals. They loved watching the
mesmerizing, magical ball room dance routines of Fred Astaire and Ginger
Rodgers. Dances that were filled with such grace. Sittser quoted an interview
with Ginger Rodgers after Fred death where she said he was so good that he
never seemed to be leading and her following. There was a seamlessness, an elegance,
as if two people were dancing as one. 
You could see the care they had for each other and the love of the
dance. I use it because it is a great illustration of the focus on unity and
oneness and love of something greater than ourselves which is the focus when Paul
says ‘submit to one another out of reverence to Christ’… and applies that basic
principle to relationships with in the very hierarchical roman household. 
( thought it was good to add this feedback... One women in our church said to me after the service she had heard a comment that while Fred Astaire was a great dancer, that Ginger Rodgers was equally good... and she had to do it all backwards and in high heels.)
The idea of submission does seem to be out of step with our
modern 21st century world. When I grew up dancing even dancing
together seemed to be more about individual moves and gyrations than cohesively
moving as one.  It was about individual
expression. Our western world values individualism… focusing on personal
rights, striving for, securing and maintaining our own social status and
standing. Dancing to our own tune, thank you very much. 
Now, the most common dancing I see is in tic-tok
videos.  Where people dance doing the
same steps the same routines. No one leading and no one following… it reflects
the flatter understanding we have of society than the very hierarchical first
century Roman world Paul speaks to. A hierarchy where the husband, father
slaveowner was seen as being in the position of power and this was seen as the
natural order of things, because men were viewed as superior to women, and
freemen superior to slaves. That is the social context Paul is writing to and
providing a radically different of relating.
Maybe I’m dancing around the issue because as bible
commentator Mark Roberts says there are controversies swirling around this
passage. ‘Including the idea of mutual submission,  Submission of wives to husbands, the idea of
husband as the head, and the exhortation to slaves to obey their masters, a
command that seems to endorse slavery.’ We can’t see slavery without looking
through the lens of the north American and European experience that is
synonymous with racism. People tend to come to this passage with predetermined
ideas about its meaning, embracing ideas of hierarchy or railing against them,
which makes it difficult for us to engage the text on its own terms. And hear
its radical nature.
Lets view the text in its context in the whole flow of
Ephesians 
Paul starts his letter to the Ephesians by speaking of Jesus
being exalted at the right hand of the father and pouring out every spiritual
blessing on his people. Saving us setting us free, giving us new and eternal
life, making us a new creation, a new people together, praying that we may grow
up into the fullness of Christ. Then he turns and brings that down to earth to
show in the light of what God has done for us, who we are in Christ, how we
should live and how the church should manifest both unity and purity in all
relationships. The section where our bible reading today is situated starts way
back in Ephesians 5:1 with Paul saying “Since you are God’s dear children you
must try to be like him. Your life must be controlled by love, just as Christ
loved us and gave his life for us as a sweet smelling offering and sacrifice that
pleases God.” The focus on relationships is reflecting that Christ like love.
Then in the passage that Cath Bremner looked at last week.
Paul Talks of walking in wisdom. That we should not be drunk on wine but be
filled with the Holy Spirit. Being drunk on wine may make you happy and cheery
but says Paul being filled with the spirit bring us Joy which is expressed in words
and songs of praise. In giving thanks for everything to God our Father. And
then in also submitting to one another out of reverence to Christ. Whereas
drunkenness has a detrimental affect on social cohesion and relationships,
being filled with the spirits is to lead to harmony. With all the talk of music
and singing in this section it gives us a good metaphor to think about
submitting to one another. For songs and music to happen and make sense
everyone needs to play their part, to defer to others or to take lead roles, to
take direction from a lead or conductor and be willing to step back and play a
lesser role for the overall good. It takes discipline and deference. If that
does not happen, then instead of music all we have is competing noise. Paul
even says in 1 Corinthians 13 without love even all our wonderful words are
just like a clanging symbol, a loud obnoxious noise. 
It's also important that we put submit to one another in the
wider context of the New Testament. 
Firstly in most Greek to English lexicons the translation of
the Greek word for submission has the sense of ‘voluntary yielding in love’… In
society this was seen as only working in one direction down to up…lesser to
greater… and often the volunteer element was not stressed or the love part.
However in scripture we see a different understanding of how we as believers
are to relate. There is mutuality that goes directly against the power
structures of the world. In Philippians 2 we hear be humble towards each other,
always consider others better than yourselves. And look out for one another’s
interests, not just for your own. Of course Paul goes on there to give us that
wonderful attitude of Christ who though equal with God emptied himself became a
human, a servant and was obedient even to death. In Galatians 5:13 Paul says ‘
serve one another humbly in love”. Maybe the great example of that is Jesus the
rabbi, the Lord stooping to wash his disciples feet. Submit to one another reflects
not only Jesus example but Jesus teaching… In Matthew 20 as Jesus disciples
spurred on by motherly ambition, want the highest place Jesus tells them ‘ not
to be like the gentiles, whose ruler lord it over them (dominate them) rather whoever
wants to be great amongst you must learn to be the servant of all. Who wants to
be first must be the slave. For even the son of man did not come to be served
but to serve and give his life as a ransom for many. As I said before it shows
the radical nature of  submitting one to
another… out of reverence for Christ, who loved and gave, came and served. 
Now let’s turn and look at how that applies in the context
of the roman household code. To a church which would have been made up of men
and women, children, both free children and salves, and slaves and masters. 
Paul does it by addressing three sets of relationships.
Husband/wife, children/ parents, slaves/ masters. He does it by applying that
principle of mutual submission to each member in that pair. Giving them a
reason why they should behave that way. One of the unique things about Paul’s
household code is that he speaks to the person in that pairing who in their
society would not have any power, and treats them as brothers and sisters in
Christ, actually gives them moral agency in that relationship, elevating what
was in society a forced lower position dignity. We also don’t probably catch it
but in his words to the people with social high status Paul's words would have
been even more radical. In Roman society there was the expectation that the power
positions would be reinforced in their ruling. But Paul speaks more of service, care and love. 
Wives are told to submit to their husbands unto the lord.
The first thing I need to say is that this is the exact same word Paul has been
using for all believers. The word is in the middle voice in Greek… it’s not an
imperative or order rather as Harold Hoehner puts it ‘the submission is to be
of her own accord and not the demand of her husband’. It’s also important to
note its not women to men, but a wife to her own husband. The New Testament had
a radical understanding of women and men’s equality in Christ there was neither
male nor female, Greek or barbarian, jew or gentile, slave or free. Which
hasn’t always been affirmed in the church or Christian influenced society.  
The reason that is given is as Christ is the head of the
church, of which he is the savior. The good news translation uses the word
authority over the church which highlights one of the problems we have when we
think of the word 'head' as a metaphor. We often see it in terms of authority,
but in scripture it can also have the meaning of source, like we use the word
headwaters. But also the emphasis of head and body is again the oneness. And
connection with the body. Shown in Christ giving himself for the church.
Earlier in Ephesians Paul will talk of Christ as the head putting all things
under his feet but the church is not one of those things, we are lifted up to
be with Christ, growing into the fullness of Christ who is the head. A lifting
up and seating with. 
Then Paul, addresses the other side of that pair the
husbands. In Greek roman times it would be difficult to talk of the husband
submitting. But Paul does it by speaking of Husbands loving their wives, as
Christ loved the church and gave himself for them. The word of course is agape
which has the sense of seeking the highest good for the other person. A point
Paul emphasizes by talking of what Christ has done for the church his bride,  Christ washes them, presents her to himself as
blameless and without blemish or wrinkle. Lynne Cohick, comments that in this
she sees Paul talking about Christ doing what would have been women’s work in
preparing the bride, washing her, making her clothes spotless without wrinkle,
ironing in other words. The husband here sees himself as both the groom but
also the bride, part of the church. Paul goes on to emphasis the mutuality and
unity in loving one’s wife by referring to Genesis where a husband will leave
his family and cleave to his wife and the two will become one body. No one does
not love their own body, but cares for it. 
Then Paul addressed the second pair in the roman household.
Children and parents. Again addressing the group in that pair that would not
have had power or status. He does give the imperative for children to obey
their parents but again gives it n added dynamic by saying in the Lord.
Commentators see this both as giving children the agency to do it as part of
their Christian disciple but also limiting that obedience. Not to obey in
things that go contra to their faith in Christ.  The reason that is given points back to the Old
Testament where Paul says that honoring mother and father, not just father, is
the first commandment with a promise. That the person will live long in the
land. Honoring parents is seen as setting the best platform for a long life. It’s
interesting if you watch many Hollywood movies that are designed for older
children and tens the prevailing wisdom seems to be that children know more
than their parents, but biblically the parents are to be seen as a source of
wisdom for life. 
Fathers, then are addressed, in Greco roman society fathers
had complete control, even life and death, over their children, even married
ones. Paul again calls fathers to serve their children by not exacerbating, or
angering them, but rather to focus on nurturing them and bringing them up in
the way of the Lord. Parents are the primary source of Christian education for
their children. 
Paul then addresses the pairing that we probably struggle
with the most. Well maybe if your married its that first one. But its also one
we can catch the radical nature of Christ’s transforming love. Slaves had no
status and very little protection in Greek roman society. Up to about 30% of
the population would be slaves… either through debt, war and conquest or being
born into it. You’d kind of hope that Paul would speak here of emancipation for
slaves. The seeds of the abolition movement are in passages like this. However
as one commentator said for Paul to imagine a world without slavery was like
for us to imagine a world without electricity. 
The first radical thing is Paul addresses the slaves as
equals. He talks of reward and inheritance which they will receive in Christ,
which was totally the opposite of roman Greek society. Where slaves were seldom
rewarded and did not inherit in the family. Rather were passed on as property.
But Paul calls them not to just obey their master’s because they have to, but
in a way that shows their Christian faith. He turns their service into worship.
Not because of socially mandated servitude but out of reverence for the one who
rewards all such service by free or slave. Not just when they are being watched
or to get ahead but out of genuine love for Jesus.
Then Paul addresses masters, and calls them to treat their
salves in the same way to serve and care for them as a way of serving the Lord.
He puts in a negative encouraging them not to threaten or mistreat their
slaves. The reason is we remember we have the same master in heaven who shows
no favoritism. We have something of how that would be worked out in Paul’s
letter to Philemon, whose slave Onesimus had run away, but had been saved and
came to work with Paul. Paul calls Philemon to treat Onesimus as a beloved
brother in Christ. 
Lastly, we need to look at submit to one another out of
reverence to Christ in our context. How do we walk the difficult bridge between
the then and there and the here and now. 
Modern leadership theory talks of leading where you are or
360 degrees leadership. Where you show leadership and excellence in what ever
position you are in. the mail room, on the end of  shovel, right through to the board room.  Here wives, children and slaves, husbands,
fathers and masters are called to show their Christian faith in the situations
they find themselves in. By the way they show Christ like love to one another.
Seek the highest Good of the other person. Submit to one another out of
reverence of Christ is still the key for us today. 
When it come to marriage… Some people want to bring the hierarchy
across that bridge and emphasis the headship of husbands in a household. If
that is the case then along with that we need to bring the radical teaching of
submit one to another. That it is a call to love and serve one another in a
Christlike manor not a dogmatic insistence on a particular order. 
Equally, for those who want to hold to our culture’s idea of
a marriage more as a partnership between equally this radical teaching needs to
be heard and lived out. The call for mutual submission and love, for wives and
husbands to give this relationship priority in life. To seek the best for the
other, not simply to follow our own desires and wants. 
Children, in showing their Christian faith in how they treat
their parents. In our fatherless generation, by being parents who invest time
and care into our children, and are prepared in deed and word to instruct and
show the Christian faith. The great thing is even when we get it wrong, we can
teach about honest repentance and forgiveness. 
Also I know many of you are still wrestling with honoring your parents
and it is a life long thing, as you are now taking up the role of caring for
them in their old age. Many of you parents are having to learn a new way of
submitting by allowing them to make decisions and help care for you.
Slavery is still a scourge in our own time. It does challenge
us in our places of work, to not be slavish about how we work but to se work as
worship and service to Christ. Employees it opens up a real challenge on
fairness and care for workers.
I just want to finish with a quote from Darryl Bock  “when Love, care and service abound, the
presence of the Holy Spirit can shine in the relationships God gives to us.” 

 
 








 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
